My Informal Social Research
Copyright © by Francis DiClemente, 12/22/08


  This admission would no doubt generate smirks, chuckles and potential dirty looks if overheard or uttered aloud in any public place in America. In particular, I would not want to say it in the Deep South or in our nations Heartland.

  Here it is: I simply adore gay men.

  I say this with complete sincerity and without any reservation or shame. And I can be at ease with this statement, knowing I am a 100-percent heterosexual male. Yet I have a number of reasons for loving gay men.

  As a nearly 40-year-old bachelor (never married and with no kids), I definitely need all the help I can get to attract women when frequenting the typical night time single haunts in any decent-sized city in the U.S. (mine happens to be Syracuse, New York).

  My cursory research – undertaken while sipping black coffee or nursing a cold Corona and lime – has revealed that when gay men enter cafes, pubs, restaurants or music venues, they alter the demographics of the mix in such a way as to – seemingly of course – reduce competition for those straight guys in need of girls.

  I understand I am no John Zogby, and my informal data may be flawed and inaccurate.  However, I am taking some license in interpreting what I see firsthand; and in all reality, surface impressions mean everything in the superficial world of the singles circuit.

  I also have a deep admiration for gay men because most seem to be very secure with their own identities; I wish I could say the same for myself. 

  And if, up to this point, I have built up some good will from those in the gay community, I am about to trash it. My problem is that although I respect gay men, I am also very envious of some homosexuals for their sheer comfort in talking with women. They seem to possess a unique ability to get women to open up to them – something I have been trying to do for almost my entire adult life.

  It’s like women can somehow sense their “gayness,” and this breaks down the barriers of intimacy and allows true dialogue to flow. This is only a matter of opinion, but I believe once the possibility of sex is removed from the equation, women become something entirely different – more open, more humorous, less pretentious, more engaged. 

  And this welcome transformation makes you want to slide over to their side of the bar and actually get to know them. But that is not possible, for the light conversations between these women and the gay men continue for hours while you sit excluded but within earshot. 

  And while they laugh and order more mixed drinks, and possibly an appetizer of pizza with sun-dried tomatoes and feta cheese, you come to the conclusion that it's pointless for gay men to help reduce the competition in social arenas if it means they monopolize all the available women.


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